Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I need moral support for this bender
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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