Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
