Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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