the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
