this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You need Xanax blowdarts
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
