That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize