I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
