wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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