READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize