the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
