glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
