so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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