sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Randomize
