Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
