so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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