is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
