What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize