so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
