haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
