it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
We talked him into tasing himself.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize