Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
