some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
