I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
