sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
