wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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