i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
