Best friends brother. Beat that.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Well I just put wine in my tea
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize