I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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