saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
too bad you live with your parents still
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize