if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
