I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
