I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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