apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
