i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
