just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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