My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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