i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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