i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
