Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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