you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
