I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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