we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
