ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
