I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
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