omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize