so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
