can u get pink eye on your cock?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Pooping to opera.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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