I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
