Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize