i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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