I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
