Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
