I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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