I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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