I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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