so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
We left the knife in your bed.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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