Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
