My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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