I have demons in me.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
