i think my tv is drunk
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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