how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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