Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
