god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
