I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
