I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
