Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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