Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
