please come you make the beer taste better
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
