so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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