You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
