I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
