Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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