yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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