Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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